So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
