You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
