who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
