Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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