Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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