What a fucking waste of an outfit
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
