At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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