I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You are the jesus of drinking
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
