And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
