redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
