Having a random hookup so left but love u
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize