I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
