was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
