susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
