You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I could fuck to npr.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
