Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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