With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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