he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
