Who wears a wallet chain?!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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