you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize