I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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