feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
