my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize