Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
