I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize