Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
40s are totally the cure
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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