Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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