we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
