dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
