Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
