i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
