in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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