Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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