Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
