I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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