her vagina looked like bernie madoff
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Couch. On fire.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
