Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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