Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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