yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
What a dumb baby whore.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
