Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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