the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
