I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
