she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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