If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
