Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
