I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
