Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize