You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
