Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
