Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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