Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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