I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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