But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
