We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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