someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
