Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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