I've blown a few things in my day
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize