Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
