True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
