I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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