We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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