Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize