you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
