Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
