Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize