Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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