There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
