I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
