He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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