4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
