Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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