It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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