i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The adults are the big ones right?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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