there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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