the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
