Whatcha textin bout Willis?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just gift wrapped bread.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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