When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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