i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
