did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I woke up under a house in Key West
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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