I didn't shave. On purpose
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
