You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
