If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
