you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
