I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
