Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
