you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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