he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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