Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
