the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
