tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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