so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
