The maid of honor just puked.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Randomize
