Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
